FW: GOD Is Busy

Here's another wonderful edition in the ongoing series of email forwards I get from my family, and my replies to them.

Subject: FW: GOD Is Busy

----- This is great...keep it going! If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!! A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.' It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.' The classroom erupted in cheers!

So a student attacks a teacher for saying things he didn't like, and then delivers a sanctimonious lecture about protecting freedom of speech... this violence and hypocrisy is something theists approve of?

There have been over 4,000 US military deaths in Iraq, hundreds in Afghanistan, and tens of thousands wounded. I guess GOD didn't protect those people, not to mention the hundreds of thousands of civilians who have died in these wars and the millions who have been driven from their homes? But instead of reflecting on the carnage and terror our country's leaders and military have inflicted on our own troops and on countless innocent people throughout the world, let's all fantasize about smashing atheists in the face!

Destructive and illegal invasions of other countries have obviously made us less safe, not more, which even US intelligence agencies acknowledge (and which was understood to be the likely consequence beforehand). Holding up these murderous rampages as some glorious acts of protecting freedom is ridiculous. And making war out to be a holy act of god makes me proud to be an atheist.

things cops are allowed to do to strippers

if an on-duty cop can't wait outside of a strip club until a dancer leaves, follow her to a secluded stretch of road to pull her over, whip out his erect penis and ejaculate on her, i think we'd all be less safe. thank sweet birthday jesus for good cops like david alex park, and for the jury who ruled that the slut deserved it. hooray for justice!

dinner party lineup

in a dream last night, i was in a room with:

1) a girl that i (barely) knew about 15 years ago, and haven't seen for at least 10

2) a guy i worked with 5 years ago and haven't seen for 4

3) dick cheney, who brought me to the room

WHAT THE FUCK?

spectacle

I have a friend who has a tradition of going to a mall Thanksgiving night to watch the "Black Friday" shoppers. He doesn't buy anything; he just enjoys watching the insane spectacle. I find the whole thing too rotten and sad to get any pleasure out of it, perhaps for the same reasons I don't think I could possibly enjoy watching a dog fight or a cock fight: fighting animals and Black Friday shoppers are both pitiable creatures conditioned to enthusiastically destroy themselves for someone else's benefit.

I manage to avoid the consumerist frenzy of the Christmas season for the most part, as I don't watch TV or go to malls. There do seem to be more parties to attend though.

today i sewed a button onto a pair of pants. i haven't tried them on yet to be sure it worked, mostly because i'm too proud of myself right now.

I honestly believe that this guy, an unemployed 22 year old running for mayor of Minneapolis on an "awesomeness" platform, would make a far better pres than BO