I've had 13 positive thoughts while pokering recently:

1. I knew he made that flush on the river; I'm glad I checked my top 2 pair. I could have lost a lot more that hand. Good job saving that bet!
2. That certainly was nice of him to show me that set of 3s he turned after I folded to his check-raise. (Maybe I'll just never make another continuation bet with AK.)
3. Well the pot was giving me 9-1 on that flush draw, so in the long run I'll profit from situations like that. So technically I just won $22.22 Sklansky bucks. Awesome.
   
4. That was a very spectacular way he sucked out on me, stastically speaking. Randomness is fascinating.
5. Hopefully winning every pot they're in against me will keep these fish coming back.
6. This song that randomly came on my playlist right as my flopped nut flush loses to a runner-runner full house perfectly captures the feeling of the moment. How delightful!
7. This salsa is delicious.
8. So he had 87o. My read was right! I knew when he bet out on the turn he couldn't beat my JJ on the 743Q rainbow board. Great turn raise! (Too bad the 8 on the river gave him 2-pair...)
9. Well the 2 horrible players just were replaced by tight aggressive players. I guess I'll leave this table in spite being down $434. Good game selection!
10. Oh boy, lets see how badly this flop can miss my AK!
11. Updating my resume will give me a wonderful opportunity to refresh my Microsoft Word skills.
    
12. That awful river call looked spectacular on this new monitor.
13. Sweet, I just remembered that my neighbor is having a birthday party for his kid tomorrow and my clown suit is freshly washed.

One of the least offensive jokes I remember

What is the worst part about going to a little kid's birthday party?




answer in white:

Cleaning the blood off your clown suit.

Cartesian Pokery 2

To clarify, here is the same graph with my total expenses added. I only update those once a month, hence the step function. I had some residual income in the early months, so those got netted against early expenses. This month is about to end, and it looks like I'll find myself close to break-even. My expenses have been higher than I expected the last few months though, so I expect I can lower that. Also, these giant losses reduce my estimated tax liability, so that should help too.

Sid Meier wants to kill me

With this terror soon be unleashed, The Biz advises me to seek help.

CHEEZ-IT TWISTERZ

How did we do it? We took 2 BOLD TASTES and TWISTED them for an EXTRA CRUNCHY Cheesy Snack! TWO FLAVORS! BOLD CRUNCH!

That is what it says on the back of the box. I'm eating the Cool Ranch & Cheddar flavor. It is pretty good. This box advertises another flavor: "Cheddar & More Cheddar." I feel like this goes against the spirit of the product line.

CHEEZ-IT: We make our own tasty rules! Then we boldly BREAK them right away!!

Temporary setback or the beginning of the end?

Well I'm pretty much in crisis mode now as the huge losses continue. My winrate for at $15/30 has dropped to 0.55BB/100 after about 14,000 hands. Since I felt underbankrolled to begin with, I might have to concede defeat and retreat to lower limits to rebuild my tattered bankroll, not to mention my tattered confidence.

The game that felt so easy a month ago is now a complete mystery to me. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong: horrendous bad luck (punctuated by losing to runner-runner quads after I flopped top set), horrendous bad judgment, missed flops, missed bets, misreads, missed flushed draws for me, made flush draws for them, folding the winners, calling down with losers, and any other imaginable way to finish a session with a lot fewer chips. I'm doubting my entire approach to everything: what times I play, how long I play, how many tables, what limits, when to stop, when to bet, raise, call or fold. My concentration sucks. My hand reading sucks. My decision-making sucks. My luck sucks.

I'm not particularly distressed about the $5,500 I've lost in the last 3 days. I am distressed at the very real possibility that I'll need to find another income source in the near future. The thought of returning to the workforce is harrowing. I don't know what my plan is, but if I'm going to keep playing poker, I need to drastically improve my game and my results in a hurry.

I'm forced to acknowledge the possibility that I'm just not good enough at poker to last much longer. I have a few ideas about what I want to do to give this a chance to keep working. I need to think some more about that, form a strict plan, and then let the cards fall where they may.

Science already knows me

I pretty much just rip all my blog ideas off paulp. Myers-Briggs is the latest.

I just took a quick online test and reaffirmed that I'm an INTP. The last one has always been the loosest, but I usually end up at a Perceiver.

My strength on each according to that test:
Introverted 100%
Intuitive 62%
Thinking 88%
Perceiving 33%


Somebody posted this about INTPs in paulp's comments:

Famous INTPs:

Socrates
Rene Descartes
Blaise Pascal
Sir Isaac Newton

U.S. Presidents:

• James Madison
• John Quincy Adams
• John Tyler
• Dwight D. Eisenhower
• Gerald Ford

William Harvey (pioneer in human physiology)
C. G. Jung, (Freudian defector, author of Psychological Types, etc.)
William James
Albert Einstein
Tom Foley (Speaker of the House--U.S. House of Representatives)
Henri Mancini
Bob Newhart
Jeff Bingaman, U.S. Senator (D.--NM)
Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids)
Midori Ito (ice skater, Olympic silver medalist)
Tiger Woods

I guess this puts me in good company, but with a lot of my best work ahead of me hopefully...


Wow, this site is a profile of INTP. Highlights:

• The INTP is above all a thinker and his inner (private) world is a place governed by a strong sense of logical structure.
  
• Every experience is to be rigorously analysed, the task of the INTP's mind is to fit each encountered idea or experience into a larger structure defined by logic. For here is the central goal of the INTP: to understand and seek truth.
• The INTP is not interested in experiences themselves but is far more fascinated by concepts. The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP.
• This drive can override the experiential element so strongly that the INTP will become quickly bored with anything that he has successfully analysed to the point of understanding it. Once understood, it has nothing left to offer, once the satisfaction which comes with achieving the goal of understanding diminishes. Indeed, most primary interests of an INTP are things which he cannot fully understand, usually because they are highly complex or have some exotic, mystical element that does not yield to analysis. This is the real reason why INTPs are drawn to complexity: anything simple is too quickly understood and cannot hold the fascination for long.

Holy shit, my idea as I was reading was to pick out the highlights with which I most strongly identified, but pretty much the entire thing is describing me almost better than I know myself. Wow. No wonder I'm playing poker - it is too complex to ever feel like I've mastered it or even understand it.

" Similarly, proficiency in any area (which requires continual practice after understanding) is not such a driving force as it might be for NTJs, for example. While a judging NT will often seek to become master of his field, an INTP is satisfied by analysing it alone. "

More goods:

• Since accurate analysis needs to avoid becoming hampered with details or being influenced by the actions of others, the INTP invariably seeks to withdraw, at least in spirit, from the situation being considered.
• This detachment can sometimes be so marked that he will readily see himself as a neutral observer having no personal association with that going on around him (unless forced to become directly involved through an attack on his principles). [Sound familiar? Evolution hits close to home...]
• the principle of detachment even encompasses how an INTP views himself. He may analyse his own thought processes as if his mind and body were separate from his conscious self. In wanting to understand his reactions to things, he may treat himself, even his own thoughts, as subjects for experiment. [ha, that's what I'm doing right now]
• This is his Mission; to be the provider of clarity, and is often suspicious that he is the only person capable of this task. Here, the INTP risks being seen as over-critical, aloof and arrogant. On the whole, however, real arrogance is rare for INTPs for their desire is not to dominate others but simply to observe, analyse and clarify. Once the point has been clarified, the INTP withdraws quickly, for he prefers not to be in the limelight unless absolutely necessary. Hence, for most of the time, INTPs are easy-going and will fit in to others' needs, taking up the role of observer again.

I guess I'll stop here since I've probably lost everyone's interest but my own and my INTP brethren, and maybe stalkers who are in love with us. I'm not even halfway done reading this, and it is blowing my mind with how insightful it is.

Last one:

"To know is everything, to do is a lower order necessity, if it is necessary at all. This breeds the potential for lazy aloofness. The INTP is often satisfied simply by knowing that he could do something if he wished. This also leads to the danger of overestimating one's capabilities and losing a grip on reality"

A month of daily results

$1,627.84
($108.86)
($350.00)
$1,381.80
$289.81
$696.00
0 - no play
($1,273.82)
($945.50)
$1,621.50
($2,787.50)
($612.00)
$645.03
$114.70
($248.33)
$29.00
($664.42)
$430.75
$316.32
$1,406.25
$401.60
0 - no play
$818.75
$549.50
$705.45
($1,309.05)
0 - no play
$753.75
$388.08
($91.03)
($1,908.00)

Sum: $1,877.62

That last big loss made me want to look at the big picture. Not a great month.

i got an email with this in it:

"the coolness of the morning felt awesome. and as i peaked that hill on the far side, i saw the sky turn orange as the sun was rising but it still remained dark enough for me to enjoy the solitude that dawn and dusk bring"

I'm bored

I have no idea if any of this is true, but I read it somewhere so I'm posting it here.
You're welcome.


A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
A group of frogs is called an army.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
A group of whales is called a pod.
A group of crows is called a murder.
A group of officers is called a mess.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A group of owls is called a parliament.

a shrewdness of apes
a battery of barracudas
a sloth or sleuth of bears
a wake of buzzards
a comfort of cats
a cowardice of curs
a pod of dolphins
a cackle of hyenas
a business of ferrets


This is funny.

www.donotcall.gov

In response to my last post complaining about unwanted phone solicitation, somebody sent me that link. It is awesome that the government is actually doing something to stop a problem that everybody hates. Whatever politician started that deserves a free pass on his next Lewinski/Marion Barry/McGreevey scandal.

Randomness

• The Michael Shea's Irish Amber Lager bottle tells me, "Strangers are only friends who have never met." I'd say that perfectly sums up the exact opposite of my thoughts on the matter.

• Stevie Ray Vaughan was the greatest guitar player ever. Prove me wrong.

• Since I decided I'm not going to keep giving Comcast my business, Verizon DSL will be my new internet provider starting 9/22. I had to sign up for a phone line to get DSL; I haven't had a phone other than my cell in over 2 years. I've already begun to be bombarded by unwelcome solicitation. This was how a conversation went today:

"Hello sir, this is Bitchy calling from Asshole Mortgage company. Are you interested in refinancing?"
"Actually I might be. Let me ask you a question though. I quit my job a few month ago and now I'm self-employed. Are you going to be able to underwrite a mortgage with this situation?"
"Well sir, what do you do now?"
"I'm a professional gambler."
"... Professional gambling??"
"Yes."
[derisive chuckle] "I don't think so."
"I suspected as much."
CLICK.

• I've been playing a disturbing amount of Risk online using the service from this site. It is the game of global domination!

• Young humans (infants and children) are built to survive to adulthood. Human adults are built to reproduce and care for young, while surviving and thriving in a complex social structure. These are two very different states, as drastically different as caterpillar/butterfly. No wonder teenagers and young adults are such moody bitches. Their entire being is changing, in preparation for a completely different mode of existence. They should be wrapped in a protective cocoon. What the hell am I talking about?

• Good luck had just stung me. To the racetrack I did go. She bet on one horse to win and I bet on another to show. The odds were in my favor! I had 'em 5 to 1. That nag to win came round the track, sure enough we had won. Up on cripple creek she sends me. If I spring a leak, she mends me. I don't have to speak, she defends me. A drunkard's dream if I ever did see one.

• Paul Phillip's blog. Larry David's Sitcom. Freakonomics. Adam & Dr. Drew's Radio Show. I love these guys because they speak their mind without apology, and don't put up with anyone's bullshit but their own. And I love how they delicately walk the line of not taking themeselves seriously at all, while simultaneously taking themselves completely seriously. The world needs more highly-principled, unabashedly selfish, ego-fueled bastards like these guys, and I mean "selfish" and "ego-fueled" in a completely respectful and complimentary way. Yes I am completely serious. These were just 4 examples I came up with. I hope there are more. Oooh, Southpark is on that list, whoever those guys are. (By the way, this add campaign for the new season of Curb Your Enthusiam is awesome. "Deep inside, you know you're him." Perfect. Except for me it isn't just deep inside. It is on the surface, in the middle, and throughout the depths of my soul.)

• NFL football is awesome. I wonder what is going to happen to me when NBA season starts.
  

• You don't need a penny just to hang around. But if you got a nickel, won't you lay your money down.

• I contemplate my own mortality at least once an hour. Is it unhealthy to spend so much of my mental energy obsessing about aging and death? Death is completely terrifying, and it is the only thing in life that is guaranteed. Shit. Shit. Hopefully I have 40 or 50 more years. Shit.

• I think next time a mortgage officer cold-calls me, I'm going to repeat the exact same conversation as the last one, but then at the end if they laugh at me, I'll say I was just joking. Then when they act all relieved and ask what I really do I'll say "You just laughed at me, and now you expect me to take you seriously?" I'll listen to them fumbling around in apology and then I'll just put the phone down without hanging up and go professionally gamble. I wonder how long they'll stay on the line before hanging up. STOP CALLING ME YOU FUCKS! DON'T CALL ME AND ASK ME FOR MONEY. I hate everyone. Except you. You're cool.
  

Help your boy

Anyone have a cat urine destinkification formula they can recommend? We're talking about old dried-up eternal demonfunk, not fresh cute little puddles.

Yes I've Googled it, but I'm curious for any personal recommendations.

Change of scenery

With my roommate moving the last of her stuff out today, I decided to set myself up with an office in a room downstairs I never used before. The roommate's old couch and a bunch of books and piles of random junk were just sitting in here. I was always comfortable with the disarray, but now that my girlfriend has moved in, suddenly things seem to be a lot more organized (also much cleaner), and the idea of a perfectly good room being unoccupied is unthinkable.

So I no longer sleep and work in the same room. I guess I have a 10 second commute now.

Redemption?

This hand happened about 14 hours after the last hand I wrote about. At the time this hand happened, I had been 3-tabling $15/30 on Party for an hour and was down about $1,800 and extremely frustrated with a $3,000+ downswing in less than 24 hours. After this hand, I somehow I managed to finish the session an hour later with a $7 profit. These swings give me indigestion.

A loose and horrible player limped in from middle position, an unknown player who had posted a big blind checked, and I raised with

A♠ K♠.

They both called. 3 to the flop for 6 small bets.

6♦ 9♦ T♦.

The idiot limper bet out and the next player folded. Lots of players will bet at a scary coordinated flop like that with just a big diamond. If he just had a big diamond, he wouldn't fold but I was winning. And if he actually had a pair, he'd be afraid that I had him beat and would revert to check-calling the rest of the way. Taking back control of the hand seemed appropriate here, so I raised. He called the raise and the turn was the

Q♠.

He bet out again, making the pot 6 big bets. My first thought was that he had the Q♦ in his hand, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like he'd just check and call with that kind of hand. I concluded that he most likely had either a big diamond or a pair of tens without much kicker, so either I was ahead or I had a lot of top pair or straight outs. So I called. Just like the last hand, the river paired sixes with the same

6♥.

He bet out again. Once again, it seemed like a strong hand would have check-raised me at some point, and a medium strength hand like T♣ 8♣ would have checked the river planning to call a bet. So I called and beat his K♦ 5♠ bluff to win the $302 pot.

Winning is more fun than losing.

Analogy

Ravens : Football :: Adspar : Poker (:: Weezer : Music)




"the titans pore through our [Ravens] offensive line like osmosis"
-Matty Bro

Eternal Shame

I am not a good poker player.

Sure, I've been able to scratch a living for half a year by taking money from the retarded chimps that inhabit the online poker world, but that is by no means enough to convince me I'm good. I'm getting there though, and every once in a while something happens that reminds which side of the line I'm on.

This hand will haunt my dreams for many nights. I'm posting it here as a monument to my eternal shame.

When this hand was played, I was 3 hours into a session and down about $1500 4-tabling $15/30 on Party. The games were insanely good, even for a Saturday night, and my luck had been insanely bad so far, putting my Zen-like patience to the test.


Some idiot raised in early position, and I reraised him with

A♣T♣

which I won't always play that way, but this guy was very loose and aggressive and wild so I wanted to isolate him and see a flop heads-up. Everyone else folded, and he called. The flop came down:

9♣ 6♠ 3♦

He bet out. This meant I was probably winning, because he'd probably try to check and raise if he had a pair. I raised and he called. The turn was the

2♠

He checked again, and called my bet. The river was the seemingly harmless

6♥

so I was surprised that he decided to bet out. I replayed the hand in my mind and decided that he must be bluffing, because I believed there was no paired hand he would have played the way he played the flop. Once I determined he was bluffing, I also had to face the prospect that he could still have me beat with an Ace with a better kicker. So I decided to raise, figuring he might fold AK, AQ or AJ.

He rocked my world by quickly reraising. As soon as it happened, I stopped thinking clearly.

I stared at the board:

9♣ 6♠ 3♦ 2♠ 6♥

What the fuck could this guy have?? I had bet and raised at every opportunity, and he'd have to think I had a big pocket pair. He couldn't think I'd actually fold here. But I still just couldn't imagine he had a good hand. I'd seen him bluff several times, but I had also seen him give up on a bluff when it was obvious it wouldn't work. But damn this river 3-bet was so quick that it felt very very weird. As the timer was running down, I considered capping for the same reasons I had put in the first raise, but finally convinced myself that I wasn't thinking clearly because I was having a rough session, and that capping the river with no pair was too crazy. I folded.

He showed

J♠7♠

to taunt me as he scooped the $382 pot that should have been mine.

Looking back on the hand, my reasoning and my play was absolutely perfect until I raised his river bet. Even that river raise could have been good, but I never considered that he might 3-bet me. My reason for the raise was that it might force him to fold a better Ace, but I should have thought back to preflop and realized that he would have probably capped AK or AQ, and maybe even AJ. So without much chance of him having a better hand than mine that would fold to my raise, I guess just calling would have been better. There aren't many players who would put that reraise in on a total bluff, and with that paired board and the strength I had shown, I just never imagined he would reraise bluff.

The lesson for me is obvious - be prepared. My failure to consider what I'd do if he 3bet cost me a huge pot, which was a complete disaster, and especially painful on a night like this one. If I had thought about the possibility of him 3betting, and if I had realized that he would have reraised preflop with better Aces, I would have concluded that since I'd fold to his 3bet that I should just call his river bet. God I wish I could have pulled the trigger on that river cap...

I'm not a good player, but I'm getting close.

My Yahoo! Artist Ratings

* * * * 4 stars - My absolute favorites.

Bela Fleck and The Flecktones
Huey Lewis and The News
Lyle Lovett
Dave Matthews Band
Billy Joel
Counting Crows
Pearl Jam
The Rolling Stones
U2
Metallica
Stevie Ray Vaughan

* * * 3 stars - I love a lot of the music here.

Elton John
Live
Jack Johnson
Van Morrison
Rick Nelson
Barenaked Ladies
Nirvana
Rage Against The Machine
Pink Floyd
Cake
Johnny Cash
Ryan Adams
Credence Clearwater Revival
The Doors
Duke Ellington
The Band
Derek & The Dominos

** 2 stars - Lots of good stuff here. Most of these I either generally enjoy their music (B.B. King, James Taylor for example) , or I like a few of their songs a whole lot (Sublime, Green Day).

B.B. King
Kid Rock
John Mellencamp
Michael McDonald
Louis Armstrong
No Doubt
Oasis
R.E.M.
Reel Big Fish
Beck
Arturo Sandoval
Simon & Garfunkel
Steely Dan
Sublime
Better than Ezra
Bruce Springsteen
Rod Stewart
Sting
Stone Temple Pilots
James Taylor
The Black Crowes
The Wallflowers
Widespread Panic
Muddy Waters
John Williams
The Who
Art Blakely
Blues Traveler
Trey Anastasio
Boston
Jackson Browne
Cannonball Adderley
Aerosmith
Eric Clapton
Collective Soul
The Killers
Bob Dylan
The Doobie Brothers
Fleetwood Mac
Green Day

* 1 star - I like 1 or 2 of their songs, or I generally appreciate their music.

David Gray
Goo Goo Dolls
Ben Harper
Isaac Hayes
Guns N' Roses
Fiona Apple
Don Henley
Hootie & The Blowfish
Journey
Kansas
Janis Joplin
Diana Krall
Henry Mancini
Bad Company
Don McLean
The Moody Blues
Alanis Morisette
Nine Inch Nails
Our Lady Peace
Ozzy Osbourne
Phish
Queen
The Police
Steppenwolf
Big Mama Thornton
Buddy Holly
Blue Oyster Cult
A3
Dispatch
Eagle-Eye Cherry
String Cheese Incident

RESPECT

I'm going to unofficially dedicate this page to myself.

I'm going to unofficially dedicate this page to my sisters.

Ch = Child? Ugh.

I got bored with the poker screen names game, but today I came across one of the more disturbing names I've ever seen:

ChilfHunting

I'm hoping against hope that there is some way I've misinterpreted...

US Open Tennis: Mary Pierce

I'm assuming that coverage of this event is generating traffic to this little site. I'm getting tons of hits from people searching google images for Mary Pierce, who I included in my groundbreaking Cacocalia post.

So if you came here for pictures of the US Open runner-up, click that link.

Ease the tension

I hate it when a poker player berates his opponent for bad play after a hand. They do it because they are frustrated to have lost a hand to someone who played poorly, but it bothers me because aside from being rude, it is bad for the game. What are these jerks trying to accomplish? Do you want your opponents to play better? Do you want bad players to feel offended and leave? Obviously they don't consider that, and just lash out because it helps heal their wounded ego.

Usually when I see this happening at my table, I lightly make fun of the player who was doing the insulting. A lot of the time that shuts them up, or makes them see how dumb they are being. My goal is to diffuse the tension and make everything friendly, something any entrepreneur does when there is a loud fight in their place of business.

But when that doesn't work, sometimes I have to get creative. Recently, at a table I was playing on Paradise Poker, some jerk wouldn't stop ranting about how "online poker is rigged," and that "all his opponents are bullshit."

So I started typing, "Yeah poker is mostly bullshit. But at least I don't have to talk to my wife. She knows not to talk to me when I play."

I get a smattering of "lol" and "haha." Encouraged, I continue.

"Yeah, last time she tried to talk to me when I was playing I lost the hand and got really mad. So I stepped on her kitten."

"HA!"

"lol!!"

I'm rolling now. "The next day I went out and got her another kitten. Not because I felt bad. That way she wouldn't talk to me while I'm playing again because she still has something to lose."

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!"


Who wouldn't want to play at my table?

Drivel 3

When the going gets tough, I get philosophical. That is just how I am. Intense reflection and introspection have gotten me through life's challenges - loss, disappointment, frustration, illness, indecision, injury, and whatever other problems we all face. I haven't burdened myself by giving this blog a narrow focus, so with the exception of illness (knock on wood), I've used this space as a tool for coping with all of those. I write this stuff for myself, and I share it with anyone else who wants to hear my voice. Often I'm honestly amazed that anyone reads this drivel, but I am grateful for the opportunity to be heard.

Poker life is hard in ways that are difficult to explain.

When you're winning, you feel like a genius and the game is the easiest thing in the world. When you're losing, you feel like the biggest idiot alive and like the whole world is out to get you. Reality is probably somewhere in the middle, hopefully slightly closer to genius than idiot.

But I've been on the idiot side for almost 2 straight weeks now, and its getting harder and harder to remember anything else. All the understanding of poker theory, any concept of variance, it all feels hopelessly hollow as my money gushes away to the idiots that hit every miracle river. I can recite fairy tales about "the long run"and tell myself to just play my game and chip away at the damage. I can convince myself that I'm good at avoiding tilt and that I handle adversity well. But can I really believe all that crap?

I keep writing these blog posts that are just pep-talks to myself. Drivel 1 Drivel 2. Those are by no means the 1st and 2nd drivel posts, just the first ones I found in a quick look at the archives.

The hardest thing right now is that I know enough to recognize all the mistakes I'm making while I lose all this money. I know that world class players make mistakes. And I know that huge losers make mistakes. I know that world class players can have losing streaks worse than this, and I know that huge losers have winning streaks better than any wins I've ever had. I laugh at the morons who are convinced their losses are because of bad luck, then I convince myself that my losses are because of bad luck. So who is laughing at me?

Oh wait, this is a skill game. If I'm a winner, then losses must be bad luck right?

Am I a winner in this game? I'd need 20 times more hands than I've played to have any reasonable degree of certainty about my "true" winrate, and by the time I've played that many hands, I won't be the same player I was at the start. Or maybe I'll never get to the point that I establish I'm a winning player, because I hit a downswing along the way that wiped out my bankroll. Lots of small businesses fail because of undercapitalization, not because they weren't good ideas that could have made money. Or maybe my business idea just sucks.

So these are the mental hurdles I have to clear, and the resolution is just accepting that this life is one of constant uncertainty. While you never really know what something will feel like until you live it, I had a good idea what I was getting myself into when I chose this path, and I certainly wouldn't trade the last 6 months for anything. For the first 5 months of it, if you asked me if I'd still be doing this poker thing in 6 months, I wouldn't have had an answer. Suddenly, 2 weeks ago I thought I had an affirmative answer, but now that arrogance has been punished and I'm back to uncertainty.

So it goes. And so I'm going to bed. At least I don't have to set an alarm.

Pardon The Interruption

Tony Kornheiser just said:

John Denver is essentially an annoying crooner, a folk singing crooner, who warbled about the virtues of Colorada and West Virginia. Okay? I would have happily thrown him under the bus myself.

Wow.

Oil

I just told you how much I hate politics. Dammit. Don't read this if you hate politics like I do.

commence political rant

Bill O'Reilly's radio show comes on right after the Junkies, so I occasionally end up listening to it. I like the show because I usually agree with his views. I hate the show because I usually agree with his views. Today he said something that made so much sense to me, and pissed me off so much. I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like:

We have the technology in this country to develop and implement alternative fuel sources. We should find something else, so that we don't have to be dependent on Middle East oil. Drilling in the Arctic would just be a band-aid. We need to find a solution. We'd clean up the environment and we could get out of the Middle East. But its not happening because the big oil companies are making too much money to invest in other energy sources, and the automotive industry doesn't want to change.

I realized that making such a drastic shift in the way our country runs day-to-day requires strong, focused leadership. Someone who can say, "We have to change. Here's why, and this is how. It won't be easy, but we'll all be better off." The problem is that political leaders, or any people for that matter, rarely have much incentive to look at the big picture. Huge changes cause discomfort, controversy, and resentment, even if they are in everyone's long term best interests.

Our leaders are already wealthy and successful - why compromise that in the short-term? Lets just keep everyone happy now and not risk upsetting them by asking them to make sacrifices. It takes a leader with a unique combination of foresight and not giving a damn what anyone else thinks to really make big changes, and the Teddy Roosevelts and Winston Churchills of the world are few and far between.

So we just stick to the way we've always done things, throw a few token dollars at researching a change but don't really do anything, and hope nothing fucks up our day. We'll probably be fine, right? And if we're not, they can't really blame us, can they?

That's what New Orleans was doing by not building a better disaster infrastructure. Now they're gone. Whose fault was it? IT WAS EVERYONE'S FAULT! YOU LIVED IN A CITY THAT IS BELOW SEA LEVEL, SITTING IN A HURRICANE ZONE, WITH SHITTY BARRIERS HOLDING BACK A HUGE LAKE. WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? You can't just blame the government, although they certainly should have done more. In the end, people have to take responsibility for themselves.

O'Reilly's thoughts about oil are absolutely right, and hopefully the $4 gallons of gas will finally force the common people to do something, since the leaders aren't really doing anything. Obviously, the leaders should do something, if they are looking out for our best interests. The Middle East is an insane place, full of people who hate us. If we have an opportunity to just get the hell out of there and stop pumping dollars into their economy we should take it. That whole region is such a political mess, so you'd think they'd want to get out.

But our leaders aren't doing anything, since they care much more about appearing to act in our best interests than they care about actually acting in our best interests. So we should do it ourselves. Maybe we'll stop buying huge SUVs. Maybe we'll carpool more and take public transportation. I'm planning to drive slower than I used to, which saves gas (and is safer for that matter). I'll combine my errands instead of making multiple trips. Next time I buy a car, I'll give serious consideration to buying a gas/electric hybrid.

Our political leaders aren't going to change things for us. Big oil companies won't lower their prices if we keep buying their products. The beauty of capitalism is that if the markets demand a product, someone will find a way to supply it. So if we demand alternatives to oil, eventually we'll get that too.

Or we can keep guzzling gas, ravage our environment, and eventually all get killed by Middle East terrorists or natural disasters. I'll probably be dead before that happens, so its not my problem, right?

end political rant

Dammit. Now I need to go play a video game or get drunk, or whatever will kill all the braincells that hurt from just thinking about how dumb we all are. Ooooh maybe I'll get drunk while playing a video game. Actually I'll save time and just smash my head through a wall.

Big Losses

I've lost 4BB/100 hands in my almost 3,000 hands this week. It would take several miracles for this not to finish out as my worst week of poker results ever. On Saturday I was actually down $4,000 for the day at one point, but managed to reduce the damage to $2,800.

In the face of gigantic losses, and in spite of nearly continuous cause for frustration, I've generally avoided tilt for the most part, and played reasonably well. Last month's good results buffer me against this week's woes, financially and emotionally. I'm still averaging 3BB/100 at the $15/30 limit. Saying that over and over to myself seems to help when I lose a 5th straight hand where I had to make several judgment calls that didn't work out right. My judgment has been good enough to win most of the time, so I try to learn from the hand but not beat myself up for a play that looks bad in retrospect.

Something I've been able to avoid is the mindset that sounds something like "well I'm down so much already so what's the difference if I lose another few hundred." Instead of wildly risking more to avoid a loss, I remember that even though it feels different, the financial difference between losing $4,000 and $2,800 is exactly the same as the difference between winning $400 and $1,600. The bottom line is all that matters, so I can't fall for an all-or-nothing psychological trap. I've been surprisingly content to just slowly chip away at the deficit, an ability that will no doubt serve me well whenever I have to deal with a big loss.

Why I mostly ignore Government/Politics

1. Any time I've ever tried to learn something about political topics or government affairs, I always end up frustrated as hell - by the policies of an administration and/or by the huge piles of steaming bullshit that obscure real issues being debated. (My anguished rants on the debate about teaching evolution are a perfect example.)

2. I'm not ambitious enough to try to change anything myself.

So I mostly ignore things. I try not to complain about government or politicians though, because I'm not stepping up to make things better. I do usually vote, although I'm not sure why I bother. I've just decided that so far it isn't worth the annoyance to spend much effort to be informed.

Maybe this is a bad thing, if for no other reason than it leaves me without much to contribute to political conversations. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court just died, and the only thing I know about William Rehnquist is that he designed goofy stripes to add to his judge's robe. I think I only know this because it was on Saturday Night Live.

Picture me standing around in a group at a dinner party:

"So, my intelligent and socially responsible acquaintances, with Rehnquist's death, how exactly is the new Chief Justice decided? Does the President make the appointment? Does Congress have to approve it?"

"Uh, I dunno. Hey, will the new guy wear the goofy stripes though? Those are sweet... I haven't had a job in 6 months by the way.... This is a sweet dinner party.... Yeah I'm going to go stand over there."

Blog comment spam

I'm sick of deleting spam comments on here, so now you'll have to prove you are

A) human
or
B) smart

in order to leave a comment. I apologize for the inconvenience this will cause Chez, Brian, and Walt.

So long, Comcast

Under its Franchise with Montgomery County, Comcast of Montgomery County has the following rebate policy: In the event of a Service Interruption... Comcast shall repair the Service Interruption as soon as possible. This obligation is satisfied if Comcast offers the Subscriber the next available repair appointment within the 24 hour period following the Service Interuption... If the Service Interruption is not repaired at the time of the scheduled appointment the Subscriber will receive a credit of 10% of the Subscriber's normal monthly bill for each 24 hour period, or segment thereof, that the Service Interruption continues.

I called today to cancel my Comcast service. I had DIRECTV and Verizon installed yesterday. Sunday NFL ticket is going to be sweeeeeet.


"Sir, we'd hate to lose you as a customer. Can I ask why you are leaving?"

"Consistently terrible service."

"Oh, well that's too bad. Could you give me an example?"

"Well if you look at my file, you'll probably see that I had to file a formal complaint with the county goverment because Comcast refused to give me the full rebate according to the policy that is clearly printed on every bill that comes to my house."

[They wouldn't give me the rebate after my cable was out for 9 days, due to a problem that they didn't even end up having to come to my house to fix. My On Demand service wasn't restored for over a month. They eventually gave me the 90% credit after they received the paperwork from the county government.]


"I see. Well would you change your mind if I could offer you a discount on your..."

[interupts:] "No chance."

Breaking up is hard

Most poker sites have a "buddy list" feature. I use them to keep track of bad players. When I decided to remove a player from my buddy list this evening, I got this message.

Yeah, me and him used to be close, but we've just been drifting apart lately. This isn't easy to do, but sometimes life is hard...



... *sigh*

Building a bankroll is hard without a real job

I made almost $8,900 in August, my best month yet. But I was only able to add about $2,400 to my bankroll because of this month's living expenses and estimated taxes.

Life sucks almost 100 big bets out of my bankroll every month, making it harder to move up in limits. If I played twice these stakes, I'd only be draining 50 big bets per month. Or If I had a steady income source that paid the bills, then all winnings could go directly to the bankroll.

I think my new plan is to not have any downswings. That should make everything easier.

Sex Education