Absurdities in the Bible
This is great for the idiots that believe everything in there is 100% indisputable historical fact. For the rest of us, it is still a bit amusing.
Leviticus 15:16-18, 32
This passage tells you what to do if you get your "seed of copulation" on yourself, your clothes, or your partner. Thank God this is in the Bible.
Deuteronomy 23:1 -
You can't go to church if your testicles are damaged or your penis has been cut off
Isaiah 7:20 -
God will shave men's feet, where "feet" and "hair" are biblical euphemisms for males sexual organs and pubic hair, respectively
But its not all just franks and beans...
Hosea 1:2-3 -
God tells Hosea to commit adultery, saying "take ... a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms" because the land has "committed great whoredom." So Hosea did as God commanded and "took" a wife named Gomer.
Luke 22:36 -
"He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." (Have you bought your Jesus sword yet?)
2 Kings 1:10, 12 -
Elijah shows that he is "a man of God" by burning 102 men to death.
Good stuff.
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