LA Poker, 2004

Some time in the summer of 2004 I took a trip to LA to play poker. (This was before I "went pro;" I was working for GeeEvil at the time.) I wrote up a trip recap to send to a bunch of friends who were interested. I just found the document in an obscure folder on my hard drive. It is fun to read. Here's an entry:

Sunday:

Sunday I remember very well, so I find it bizzare that I forget what happened Saturday. But Sunday did feature one of the most memorable characters of the trip: King Randall.

The day started out with a few hours playing $9/18. As I mentioned, this game is in the low-limit section, and it definitely plays like low-limit. Everyone is in til the river with the slightest draw. I can't fathom that this is basically the same limit as the $10/20 at the Taj, which is a fairly tough game to beat on weekdays. So I sat there for a while, played tight and won $60. Blah.

Oh, on the high limit side ($15/30 and up) they comp you free meals at the table. They have tons of little Mexican dudes running around and they bring you anything you want. You can order an appetizer, steak dinner and dessert and just give the waiter a $5 tip, and they bring it to the table. The only thing they don't comp is alcohol, which you actually have to pay for. But at the low limit side, they make you pay for everything. But I didn't know that when I sat down to play $9/18 because I had watched everyone ordering ridiculous meals in the other game and not pay for them. So I ordered something expensive and then the waiter asked for money. So that sucked. Off to $15/30 for dinner.

So after the afternoon in the crazy low limit game, I find a seat in the $15/30 must-move game, and buy in for my usual 2 racks ($1,000). (for those who don't know what "must-move" means, it is when they have a "main game" at one table that has been going for a while, but enough people on the waiting list to start another table. So they put them all at a 2nd table, but protect the main game by forcing people from the must-move to fill in seats at the main game as they open up.). I sit in the game for a while, and most of the table is playing predictable poker. I'm not going to crush this game, but I'm certainly not going to be outplayed by anyone, so I'm fairly comfortable and optimistic that I can win a few bucks.

And then Randall showed up.

This guy looks about 40 years old, and strongly resembles Woody Harrleson. He loudly announces to the table "MY NAME IS KING RANDALL, AND I AM AWESOME! BE AFRAID OF ME! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"

Holy shit. This guy was drunk off his ass, maybe high too.

Every time it was his turn, he loudly called "TIME!" and looked at his cards for like 10 seconds. He usually followed this with "well, what can I do? Wait! I want to raise! How many chips?" Obviously, he usually lost the hand.

After every hand he would get up and walk over to the winner and shake their hand and tell them how well they played. He was the nicest drunk idiot ever. I managed to get involved with him in 1 hand with pocket queens and won a monster pot just before I had to move over to the main game. He came over and shook my hand 3 times, told me how strong I play, and that I am awesome, but not as awesome as him. I swear to God this is all true. I was obviously not happy to have to leave this game, and figure he'd either run out of money or get tired and leave before it was his turn to move.

Wrong.

About an hour later, King Randall loudly annouced his presence at the main game. He drunkenly looked around the table, but his glazed-over eyes came into focus when he saw me. He gave a big smile, and yelled - "you're class, buddy! i want you!"

Over the next few hours these are some actual quotes from King Randall, randomly thrown in to any hand he played:

"I love Latino women!"

"Well I can't win but I raise anyway"

"Dammit I lose. That's ok, I know Halle Berry."

"You think I look like Woody Harrelson? I have his money."

"Do you know Kareem-Abdul Jabar?"

"I own so much real estate!! I'm a producer."

"Buy property, win at poker!!!"

After a fat guy won a pot, Randall looked over at him and went "Woah! that's a big boy. But can you run the mile? King Randall can run a half-marathon, a 10K, or a 5K!"

When a woman sat down next to him, after the table had been all male for a while, Randall looks at her and goes "ooooh Lady! We forgot about your race."


Randall kept ordering Heinekens every time a waitress walked by, regardless of if he was done with the one he was drinking. Everytime he ordered and everytime she brought one, he gave her $20. At one point he had 3 full beers on the table behind him, plus the one he was drinking. The first time he got up to use the bathroom, he got lost for 20 minutes, so from then on he had a floorman escort him to and from the facility. He tipped them $20 each time.

Randall took a liking to me. After every hand he won, he reached across the table and gave me a pound. After every hand I won, he reached across the table and gave me a pound. He pretty much gave me pounds any time I looked at him. In spite of his drunkeness he was actually fairly perceptive. Here are some actual quotes he said to me:


"You're class, man" (about 100 times)

"I want you" (about 100 time)

"Look at that guy, he's 23 years old, his financial position is SOLID (noting my large stacks), and he's got BIG BALLS!"

When I ordered dinner, he said "Don't order here man! Let me buy you dinner ANYWHERE you want. I'm just a white guy with a ton of money. Let me buy you dinner!" When I refused, he said "You're class, man!"

"You're the kind of guy that I want to marry my daughter. But gotta work hard! Everything has come easy for you your whole life. But not my daughter." I swear to God he actually said this.

"I dream of Mexican women. But I want you. Do you know why? Cause you're the best."

"You're the best!" then to the rest of the table: "do you know who this guy is? You don't, but I've been following him. He's one of the best poker players in the world!!"

Maybe it was random that he keyed in on me, but I was definitely by far the best player at the table. I was probably up about $1,200 at my peak, but a couple of bad beats toward the end of the night knocked me down a bit from there. I left as soon as King Randall stumbled out, which was around 3:15am. I would estimate that Randall lost $2,000 to $3,000 and tipped away another $300 to $400. I didn't see him the rest of the week.

Session: 2:45pm - 6:15pm
Game: 9/18 Hold'em
Result: + $60

Session: 6:45pm to 3:15am
Game: $15/30 Hold'em
Result: + $715

Trip total: 21.5 hrs, + $811