Kira saw highlights of the show on public television and, being a former marching bank geek, decided it would be fun to go see the live show. She offered me the option not to go with her but, being a former marching band geek, I figured the show would probably be entertaining and that I'd appreciate the performance.
But that didn't mean I wasn't going to give her shit for "making me" go to it. The whole way there I referred to the show as "QUEEF!" She reminded me several times that I had the option not to go. I really know how to make my lady feel special.
I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. A decent description of the show from their website is that "they bring the power, passion and precision of outdoor pageantry to the stage in a musical performance that we now call BLAST!"
A better description of the show would be that they "bring the power, passion, precision and homosexuality of outdoor pageantry to the stage in a musical gay orgy we now call BLAST!"
I always knew that marching band can be a bit gay, even when I was in it. I just wanted to play some fight songs at half time, but I went along with the goofy costumes and the flag formations and the making out with dudes. Thats just what being in marching band is.
And we all know that theatre can be a bit queer as well. Lots of artsy creative energy in the gay community. So I don't know why I was so suprised that this production was like they took the gayest of gayest of the gay that our nation's marching bands had to offer and pranced them out on stage. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Once you got past the gay, it was an entertaining show, and I had a lot of respect for their musical skills. But I wouldn't recommend it to any homophobes.
Probably the highlight of the show for me happened during a number called Tangerinamadidge, which featured cast members walking through the aisles of the crowd playing didgeridoos. The girl who graced our section looked cute from a distance, but seeing her up close revealed some pretty nasty acne. The drunk Chris Moneymaker look-a-like sitting next to me (who obviously had no idea what he had signed up for by coming to this show - "this is going to be like Stomp and Blue Man Group, right?") leaned over to me and said "That chick needs a face transplant. You know they did that in France, just like in that movie!" Classic.
1 comment:
You were in a high school marching band which, while suspect, cannot touch the stratosphere in comparison to the gayness of a collegiate marhcing band. The high school band, particularly yours, is certainly more of a spirit thing as opposed to an outlet for "nerds", and while not being as cool as the bands from "Drumline", was always enjoyable to watch and really was never the target of disdain from what I can remember. I seem to recall alot of the band guys in high school being darn good athletes.
Once you decide to be in the college version, well then you've pretty much given up on caring, in the same way Jerry feels George is sending that message of surrender to the world by wearing sweatpants out in public.
So, I have in the past made numerous soap-box speeches about the absurdity of the college marching band, and specifically how a college band has its own sickening social hierarchy, i.e. whereas a section leader for trombones is probably a reject elsewhere on campus and is not allowed to go to any hetero-parties, he is somehow revered by the other band members and is seen as cool within that group.
And this is all well and good, everyone needs their group of pals, such is the way the world spins. I might add though, that the trouble about which I am going to rant (because it is icy as fuck outisde and I am not going anywhere for an hour) is that being a non-band guy and trying to date (God forbid) a band girl is quite a foray into idiocy. This is so for many reasons.
First and foremost, it can be nearly impossible to find a halfway decent looking band girl in the first place. This is not to say there aren't any, I am just emploring you to watch some NCAA football on tv and I dare you to find a good looking girl when they pan over the band. Now, and I know this first hand, the camera guys either go out on their own vigilanty searches for hot girls in the crowd or are told to do so by the producers. This is fact, anyone who watches football knows this. Thus the fact that they never show any hot girls within a school's marching band can only lead to so many conclusions. Of course they don't pan the band on tv in the stands nearly as much as the cheerleading or dance sqauds, so their are some mathematical issues there, but again - why do you suppose that is?
Secondly, rumor is they don't put out. This is likely an extension of whatever moral decency and social conservativism led them to be in the college band in the first place. Taking a sample of the population would probably show that band members are much less likely to be felons than the rest of mankind. Probably. Although I cannot say the same for maybe a specific offense like being a child predator or serial killer. I just mean, you know, normal non-sicky crimes like robbery and murder and such.
Thirdly, and most absurdly, should you find a decent looking band girl who will in fact let you feel on her boobies a little bit, it is likely that the band members who know her and have met/seen/heard of you will 1. hate you on principle and 2. advise her when you're not around that you suck and she should be dating one of the. Invariably, the band guys (at least in my school) just loved having female friends and they always advise band girls to date their own. It is not so much a "date within social class" thing, as alot of the band guys at school were pretty decent kids by all accounts. It is more that (sickeningly enough) the band guys felt in an "evil governor in Braveheart" way that it was their right to have the band girls to themselves. As in, "I have made it to 3rd assisant drum major, I now have the royal right to have my pick of the litter within the band, whereas I likely have no shot out in public." Take this with the fact that your girl is stuck with them for hours at a time on buses to games and in sleazy hotel rooms, you have to realize she will be bombarded and pressured to no end about this. And then couple that with the ridiculous bond that the college band people have, both in lingo and in how nobody else but them can complain about the "evil band director", it can be an almost unwinnable situation. This is made worse if you happen to be a wise-ass who openly mocks the band and all it stands for.
It is now that you realize you cannot put the band pussy up on a pedestal like that. So you laugh and find someone hotter, younger, and dirtier and the world is good.
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