Sooner or later I'm going to run out of new thoughts to write about, at which point I'll just start repeating myself. I don't think I've written about my theory of gifts, but I've definitely ranted about it to several people.
My theory of gift exchange is that it is largely a huge waste.
Assume that over your lifetime you'll give and receive roughly equal value in gifts. So you give $1,000 worth of gifts and receive an equal amount. For now consider only the traditional gift exchange occasions - birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc, and only gifts exchanged between "equals" (as opposed to gifts where the older generation takes care of the kids).
So we're all just passing around $1,000 but we rarely get to choose exactly what we receive for that money. Who knows better than you what you want for your $1,000? Nobody. But you don't get to choose it. In fact, people love nothing better than keeping your gift a surprise and not directly asking you what you want. So you usually get a decent gift, but maybe it is only 70% as satisfying as the way you would have spent the $1,000. So basically we've all wasted $300 worth of value because of this goofy gift-giving tradition.
Some of us are starting to get the idea and are willing to ask people what they want. This is progress. Hopefully someday we'll all just cancel gift exchanges and just go buy stuff for ourselves. Actually we could order everything online so we never even have to leave the house or talk to anyone ever again. That would be awesome.
Anyway the main exception to this are gifts given in commemoration of some kind of service - like giving a dinner host a bottle of wine. I approve of these kinds of gifts. So continue giving them, secure in the knowledge that you have adspar's full endorsement.
SPECIAL NOTE - This doesn't apply to you specifically. I love every gift you've given me. And I love buying gifts for you. It makes me happy to think how much you will love this _____ I got you. Every time you use ______ you'll think of me. This really solidifies our relationship.
5 comments:
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you kind of sound like a super nerd anti-relationship person who doesnt like fun. and it sounds like you live your entire life based only on Expected Value.
I think there are decision/actions in life that arent always best to be optimized, or considered the way you seem to want to evaluate everything.
I am not saying I disagree with your logic, or can't relate to the impracticality of gift giving. Because I have thought the same things before.
I just think you are overlooking the entire concept of gift giving. (Not to go romance on you but) its not about spending money to get somethign practical, or doing something that you have to do. Its about giving something to someone because you want to. a donation to a charity could be a gift. a car could be a gift. or a buy in to the WSOP. or a tie that you hate. no offense, but your blog entry sounds quite selfish.
(i still do agree if its a random work gift exchange or something like that then it is a waste.)
I basically stopped getting pointless gifts. some years i get my family gifts, sometimes i dont. sometimes i have gotten a friend a gift, but dont really consider any gifts mandatory. there were years where i got my dad something awesome and nothing for anyone else in my family. i explained to them years ago that i was not going to buy something just to buy something when i know they didnt want it and i didnt want to buy it. so i do hear where you are coming from... does this post even have a point? (good thing only like 3 people check you site... jk)
I just think you are overlooking the entire concept of gift giving.
I just think everyone else is overlooking the entire concept of gift giving.
Its about giving something to someone because you want to.
Exactly. Not because you have to.
I basically stopped getting pointless gifts... i explained to them years ago that i was not going to buy something just to buy something when i know they didnt want it and i didnt want to buy it.
This is perfect. You get a full adspar endorsement for this.
yeah, i think we are on the same page.
ps your red 'disclaimer' or whatever cracked me up
brian said, "you kind of sound like a super nerd anti-relationship person who doesnt like fun."
you hit the nail on the head.
signed,
the girlfriend
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