American Idol, sorry

I want to write about American Idol. Deal with it.

Phil Stacey - Every single week I manage to forget that this guy always surprises me with how good he sounds. He consistently nails the vocals, and his Police song tonight sounded excellent. The problem is that he's such a Gollum. Totally creeps me out to look at this guy.

Lakisha Jones - She's the other one who always surprises me with how good she sounds, except in her case I'm expecting her to sound good but she sounds amazing. That said, I never remember her performance, just that I thought it was good. I was about to write that maybe I just can't root for a large unattractive girl, but I really like Jordin (large) and Melinda (unattractive) so I think it is just something about Lakisha that doesn't do it for me.

Cousin Jordin Sparks - Obviously I have to root for my cousin, but I really enjoy her performances. Her voice is amazing and she's got great personality on stage. The judges can't say a word to her without mentioning that she's so good for being 17, but she's good for being any age. The only time she comes off young is when she talks; she comes off like a young girl trying to sound mature. But I'll cut her some slack on that. Go Cuz!

Melinda Doolittle- Honestly this girl is just better than everyone else, and I don't even think it is close. You'll notice that I haven't said anything yet about how people will actually do in the contest, because I have no idea what America is going to do, given that they keep voting for Sanjaya. But if this was truly a singing competition as the judges love to say (and not a voting competition as some British pop star from the 60s pointed out on a recent episode), the contest would be over and Melinda would be the winner. We'll see how she actually does.

Sanjaya Malakar - From the first auditions, the girls have been so much better than the guys. Six of the final seven girls were better than all of the remaining guys. Of those 6, Melinda, Lakisha, Jordin, and Gina are still alive (Stephanie and Sabrina are out). Haley is still in it, and while she isn't as good as those four, she's still better than all the guys except Blake. I mention all that when I bring up Sanjaya because I hope Sanjay makes the top 5. I'd rather see him perform than everyone else except for Beatbox Blake, Melinda, Cousin Jordin, and Gina. The reason I like to see him perform is because he is a breathtaking disaster on stage. He's like a train wreck mixed with a partial-birth abortion, and the flesh-melting pain of his awkwardness is magnified by his bizarre hair. Top notch entertainment. Keep voting for this weirdo, America!

Blake Lewis - The crooked-mouth beatbox dude is by far the most interesting guy on the show. He's so unique, and he picks songs that are challenging and manages to pull them off in ways that nobody else on the show could. He seems like he's a very talented musician too, not just a good singer. I always look forward to his performances and it will be a long time before I think he'll be the one deserving to be voted off.

Chris Richardson - For me this guy is like Blake Lite, except less interesting. The judges always like him more than I do, sometimes showering him with praise that I just never understand. I've never really liked male performers with the soft voices, so maybe he's just not my style. Where Blake is totally unique, Chris goes with a similar style but more mainstream. He just seems like a mediocre pop performer at best. Any time he gets knocked out is fine with me because I worry that he might be stealing votes that would otherwise go to Blake.

Chris Sligh - Nobody has fallen so far in my graces than this guy. I loved him all through auditions when he seemed like a jolly, goofy guy that didn't take himself serious but could sing his ass off. Then early in the top 24 he picked a little fight with Simon and made it clear that he actually does take himself very seriously, isn't that funny, and plus he went to fundamentalism Christian Bob Jones University (only stupid stuff like that gets a Fox News link from me). His Sting song tonight was terrible, so I hope we don't have to see this tub next week.

Gina Glocksen - Gina has been my favorite girl for a while, probably because I dig the red streak in her hair and the alternative piercings. The whole grunge rocker chick thing is cool, and definitely a contrast to the styles of everyone else on the show, which I hope helps get her enough votes to at least make the top 4. She's improving every week which is good to see.

Haley Scarnato - I wasn't happy that Haley made the top 12 over Sabrina Sloan, but I've actually kind of enjoy her performances. I guess it helps that she's a cute girl with great legs, but there is some kind of authenticity to her, even when she kind of botches a song. One of the strangest moments of the season was after she totally bombed some performance and was visibly shaken and almost begged the audience to give her another chance. Especially given that I (unreasonably) blamed her for knocking out Sabrina who I liked so much better, I was surprised to find myself rooting for her not to lose that week. I don't think she has any chance to win at all, she's just not nearly as good as the rest of the ladies, but I hope she makes it at least another few weeks.